Who’s Really Responsible? Rethinking Safety, Parenting, and Emotional Intelligence in Malaysian Schools

In recent months, Malaysia has witnessed a heartbreaking surge in violent and tragic incidents involving teenagers—bullying, rape, suicide, even murder. Many of these events have taken place within or around school grounds, shaking public confidence in our education system. As expected, fingers have been pointed at schools, teachers, and administrators. But while schools are undeniably responsible for student safety, we must ask: Are they the only ones accountable?

The answer is no. These tragedies are not just school failures—they are societal failures. And if we are to protect our children and rebuild trust, we must confront a difficult truth: the responsibility for a child’s wellbeing is shared. It lies not only with schools, but also with parents, families, communities, and policymakers. Among these, the role of parents is both foundational and often overlooked.

🏠 The Invisible Crisis at Home

In today’s Malaysia, most families are dual-income households. Parents work long hours to make ends meet, often leaving children in the care of tuition centers, daycare providers, or extracurricular programs. While these arrangements may keep children occupied and academically engaged, they often come at a cost: the erosion of quality parent-child connection.

When parents are physically absent or emotionally unavailable, children are left to navigate complex social, emotional, and moral landscapes alone. Without regular, meaningful interaction, parents may not notice the early signs of distress—changes in mood, withdrawal, aggression, or risky behavior. They may not know who their child’s friends are, what values they’re absorbing online, or what emotional burdens they carry.

And when a crisis hits—bullying, peer pressure, heartbreak, or trauma—how can a child turn to a parent they barely talk to?

💔 If There’s No Time for the Ordinary, What Happens in Crisis?

Children don’t open up on command. Trust is built in the ordinary: chatting over dinner, laughing during chores, sharing frustrations after school. These “normal” moments are the foundation for deeper conversations later. If those moments are missing, how can a child feel safe enough to say, “I’m scared,” “I was hurt,” or “I need help”?

This is where Emotional Intelligence (EQ) becomes not just helpful—but essential.

🌱 Emotional Intelligence: The Missing Piece in Prevention

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, while also empathizing with the emotions of others. For children, EQ is a life skill that helps them:

• Navigate peer pressure and conflict

• Express their needs and boundaries

• Cope with stress, rejection, and failure

• Build healthy relationships

• Seek help when they feel unsafe

For parents, EQ is the bridge that connects them to their children’s inner world. It allows them to listen without judgment, respond with empathy, and guide without controlling. In a world where children are exposed to online risks, academic pressure, and social isolation, EQ is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline.

Spending time together is crucial

🛠️ Practical Ways Parents Can Rebuild Connection and EQ at Home

Here are some culturally grounded, realistic strategies for Malaysian families to strengthen the parent-child bond and nurture Emotional Intelligence:

1. Prioritize Micro-Moments of Connection

• You don’t need hours—just intentional minutes. A 10-minute check-in after school, a bedtime chat, or a shared meal without screens can make a world of difference.

2. Create Safe Spaces for Expression

• Avoid dismissing or punishing emotional outbursts. Instead, ask: “What happened today that made you feel this way?” Let your child know their feelings are valid, even if their behavior needs guidance.

3. Model Emotional Vocabulary

• Use words like “frustrated,” “disappointed,” “worried,” and “grateful” in daily conversations. Children learn how to name and manage emotions by watching how adults do it.

4. Ritualize Connection

• Establish weekly family rituals: Friday night dinners, Sunday walks, or prayer time together. Rituals build predictability, belonging, and emotional safety.

5. Use Technology to Stay Emotionally Present

• If you’re working late, send a voice note or video message. Ask about their day. Let them know you’re thinking of them. It’s not about perfection—it’s about presence.

6. Collaborate with Schools, Not Just Academically

• Don’t just ask about grades. Ask teachers about your child’s friendships, behavior, and emotional wellbeing. Advocate for EQ programs in the school curriculum.

7. Teach Conflict Resolution at Home

• When siblings fight or your child faces peer issues, guide them through the process of listening, expressing, and resolving. These are the same skills they’ll need to navigate bullying or peer pressure.

8. Be Curious, Not Controlling

• Instead of interrogating, ask open-ended questions: “What was the best part of your day?” “What’s something that made you laugh?” Curiosity builds trust.

  
  

🧩 A Whole-of-Society Approach: Schools, Parents, and Policy

While parents play a foundational role, they cannot do it alone. Schools must integrate EQ into their teaching and discipline systems. Teachers need training to recognize emotional distress and respond with compassion. Policymakers must fund mental health support, school counselors, and family education programs. And communities—religious leaders, NGOs, neighbors—must step in to create safe, nurturing environments for all children.

🔁 From Blame to Partnership

It’s easy to blame schools when tragedy strikes. But blame doesn’t build safety—relationships do. If we want our children to thrive, we must move from finger-pointing to hand-holding. We must build a culture where emotional intelligence is as valued as academic achievement, and where every child knows: “I am seen. I am safe. I am supported.”

Let’s stop outsourcing connection. Let’s start rebuilding trust—one conversation, one emotion, one relationship at a time.